What We Make Out Of It

In ones life, situations happen. Weather there good or bad. I believe we are defined by our actions of how we go about this. If we have everything we ever wanted being financially stable but yet not sharing the wealth or wisdom than what are we living for ? Why not help another human being ? In another situation a bad one weather it be getting into an accident or forgetting your keys in the car. We are expected to learn from this. In my perception if I was to hit another car I would make sure everyone is safe, but at the same time I would freak out knowing my insurance will go up and now I have to pay for damages, but I have trained my mind to see the positive in everything regardless of what it may be. I think to myself “it could always be worse” this is true! you almost have to be thankful that it isn’t that bad even though we believe it is and sometimes it may be. I am a huge optimistic person!   Mind is everything !

I will share a situations in my life that shaped me into this person. All my life i always wanted to be a nurse. I thought to myself in middle school that i will be the best nurse there is and i will make everyone happy! My dream was always to become a nurse since I can remember. While attending nursing school early 2018 to become an LPN at an accelerated nursing program i thought i can do this. while attending class five days a week, 7 hours worth of lecture, exams literally everyday sometimes even back to back. even three to four exams. I thought I can accomplished anything, but i wasn’t in the right mind set not mentally or even psychically. I’ve met some amazing people in nursing school. My group was very diverse and since it was a small class we all got along pretty well. I developed a close connection to some more than others. the material was very challenging my test scores were like a roller coaster up and down. Towards the end i realized that looking at my overall test scores that i needed to really pass this final with an 95% with more than one subject. When taking my A&P final and it being posted and seeing what  i got… i was devastated because in order to stay in the program all grades have to be above 75% the pressure was absolutely on. Once i figured out that i was going to be kicked out of the program, i packed all my belongs and left the classroom with this shocked look in my face. i wanted to cry but i was so in shock! I wanted to go to a bar and get drunk and do something stupid with my life. How would it feel to be going to school for your dreams only to fail drastically. its like life is saying this isn’t for you this is not your dream! but yet this is all you’ve ever know this is what you want mostly in life! This Is everything to you!!!!!! I wanted to make silly decisions but instead i drove to Barnes and Nobles. I bought three books first one was to learn a new language french. my dream is to go to Paris, second one was improve the brain and way of thinking to decrease anxiety, depression, improve memory and all sort of things on improvement and mind shifting. Last one was to read a book simply for fun. I am proud of myself on how i handled the situations i figured well there no other place to go from here than up! So lets improve ! Later on during the day i told my sister what happen i am very close to her and she gets me completely. I told her what happen and i couldn’t hold it when it comes to her i let myself out, i started to cry and scream. Its almost felt like a heart break like life just broke up with me. it was the worst feeling ever i felt like a failure i felt like for once in my life that i wasn’t good for anything. It made me think that i couldn’t cut it as a nurse. imagine that all my life  knowing what i wanted only to fail drastically. its an undesirable pain, but i had to pick myself. There was no sense in crying. i then took a short break to get myself together. I reapplied to the school and they only give you one more chance to go back. I made a vow to myself that i will be mentally, psychically and, spiritually better through the whole program. i started again in mid July and i am doing alottt better than what i started. I am proud of myself! This Situations was definitely a humbling experience that i will never forget! No more how rough it gets always remember that it could be worse, and always see the positive in everything !

Thanks ❤

Luis H. Ruiz-Espinoza

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Welcome !

Hello,

Name is Luis Ruiz-Espinoza, I am 23 years old. Birthday falls on June 26. Making my zodiac sigh cancer, if you know any cancers you would that we are very emotional human beings. I believes in astrology on some aspects. I would describe myself intuitive. I often feel a sense of “what will happen” based on experience through myself and others. As much as I like to hide the fact that I am an emotional/sensitive person I am getting to know that it is okay to say and feel how I feel. This took sometime to understand and still I am learning…I see and feel myself changing the once ignorant, superficial person I was is slipping away, & honestly it is quite terrifying. This is who I’ve built myself up to be, always having my guard up never allowing those to see the hurt, damaged Luis. Its all I’ve ever know to be. I am loving who I’m becoming ! I always wondered if life happens or do we make life happen. In a sense I believe we make life happen. I believe we hold the key to our own happiness whatever it may be. Each Day I learn something new about myself you’d figure that by 23 I would have a sense of who I am??? Well That isn’t the case. I am finally understanding myself…I am slowly accepting who I am, regardless of what other say or think. It’s like I’ve been carrying a heavy bag all my life only to one day stop and open it to see that there was only rocks in the bag thinking all my life there was stones and gems but all along I was the ruby. I never needed anything but myself ! LIFE It will keep throwing the same situation until one understands and grows from them. I am so grateful for the lessons and struggles in my life because I know one day I’d look back and thank God on my knees for all of the the ups & downs, the 3am crying episodes followed by the deep poetry writings all them times I didn’t understand why. I’m just a simple guy that enjoys the little things. Staring at the moon and talking to myself. Understanding my flaws and situations. I find my relaxation and comfort in the darkness. I never understood why… Some how I always found beauty in the lows of my life. “Thee is beauty in the darkness” I also really enjoy poetry the courage and strength it gives me and at the same time relaxes me is something beyond words can express. I will blog about myself and my understating and perception of life. I will share some of my secrets, as well as current events. so stick with me and hopefully I can inspire you !

  Thank You ❤